Wow. It's been so long since  I have been here. Kinda gave up doing any updating to this place when i got  my LJ. I occasionaly visited, thinking it would cancel on me and then i would be scarred for life for m thoughts of my 15 years old self  gone forever!!! So what has cheanged i almost 2 years..... My height, my weight, my age (No shit) and  My thoughts on things. Oh and freinds.and my  personality. I'm not as annoying as i used to be but i sure as hell got quieter around ppl and outspoken around freinds.  I still think too much but now its a little out of control (Trance music!!!)Uh.... what else..... new games.....OH YEah I"m a senior now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally My last year of Edison. I;mm happy about it but i'm sad to go. It still hasnt hit me thta I'm not gonna me going to E-House after this year. Fells weird. Oh yea I gotz me a job!! I seem to be getting good things to happen to me. BUt now I must go so If i wanna I'll update this later

<3DJ MC Samamerz

Currently Gaming Shadow of the Colossus By Sony Computer Entertainment see related

I think this is gonna be one of my way out there postings. There’s a lot of tings that are going through my mind and a lot of events that have happened. So it’s gonna be kinda random at times. Also, its hella long.

            Oh this s the saddest part of mah updates. On Wednesday our phone got cut off making mom panic. But it came back on Friday but no1 to call. This sucks.

I seem to look high now. Yesterday I was @ the ROTC Competition at Encinal High School and I was fine up to a point (oh yea I got promoted to private first class!!!). Then I got really light headed and had to eat cookies & water (which makes me think that I might have diabetes). It was about an hour later I do not know why but all the feelings that I had – not having a guy, being the loner in the group, etc. – it  just all came on me and I was bawling like a was in upward bound. (Random: when ppl saw me and started to ask me “are you okay?” [The stupidest thing you can ask] I really wanted to just say “You see me crying. Do you think I’m fucking okay? You want your answer? No, I am not okay. No, I am never okay and no, I will never be okay. So can you pleaser get the fuck away 4rm me?!?!”) Man it was bad, the only good part was I kinda got to talk about it with this one guy named Ralphie (only sorry part was that I had a crush on him and I found out @ that time that he was w/ this one girl [also on ROTC] which I think doesn’t like me that much) didn’t get any better on the bus to McDonald’s (heh Put a Smile On) I was better on the ride home but not that much. Lol KARAOKE ON THE BUS!!!

Sammy dumped me today. I’m not that surprised though. When the truth about me cutting came up he changed.  Oh no that’s not whats making me mad what’s making me mad is he was  dating a girl while he was with me. I think I might just take up that trip to florida a little early give him a visit….

Lol it seems noting good is going good. Today my paster just announced that he is retiring. I’m shocked about this and almost everyone else in the church is too, different ppl taking it in different wayz. Some finding it reasonabline, others sad, others pissed, but hey it’s his choice and if he wants to do that then  ppl should be okay with it. The only bad thing to think of is what will happen to the church once he’s gone…

Ok im through!!! Ill post when I can and maybe less!!

<3 Sammie

Currently Reading The Black Book: Diary of a Teenage Stud, Vol. IV: Faster, Faster, Faster By Jonah Black see related

Hmm… seems that I haven’t been acting myself lately. Just haven’t been feeling so well. Maybe it’s that time again for my depression to kick in. Tears are finally starting to come down easily and I still have no emotional support. Kinda sucks if you think about it. I notice that when I get like this, people start to get annoyed when I do. It’s happened so many times that they just give up. I just end up behind pissed and suicidal again. It’s like a never ending cycle but new people get stuck into it. Once in a while some of then leave and might get replaced. I wonder if this could be because of the computer. Ever since I got the internet all this shit has started happening. No that can’t be it because I remember being fucked up way before that. The internet has made it slightly worse. Or at least I think. Heh I can’t really think right now, huh?

            God I lost my suicide poem. It was really good too and I had only made it in like 20 min. A personal best. If I wanted I could’ve used that instead of writing one out. It hit the main reasons and it rhymed! ^^ I’m so proud of myself.

Ok now onto things happy! (Random: I don’t know why but I seem to read all my postings in a British accent for some reason. It’s crazy because my British accent comes out when I’m pissed about something.) THERES NOHTING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT!! I have to guy, hella poor, I got problems in my head, and I still don’t have to guts to tell my mom about me being bi. OH! I have possible 3.2 GPA that’s something to be happy about but…….it doesn’t ok…god Ebil tears!! I’ll try and post later.

Eat @ Joe’s!

<3 Sammi

lol Hi Yall today was kinda good cuz of NO SKOOL and kinda bad. I had to be stuck in the house all day wich isn't bad but not so good when ur hurtin and stuck wif h/w. + Ihad my dude callin most of the day (and his other freind that wants me :shiver:)  but it wasnt to bad i got to catch pup on some sleep whoich was very needed. Best part i got to stna d out in the rain lol kinda helps when ima bout to hurt sum1s now im just here writing this out cuz i have the need....to express lol welps ima be going now....Bye!

<3 Sammeh

Currently Playing Ah My Goddess: Movie By Various Artists Morgan~ Amor Tristis see related

lol I think i actually have my split personalities summed up kinda well

Note: It's only a draft and the ages are what me and mah freinds think that age i should be

Name: Samantha

Nickname: “The Calm One”

Age: 19

Personality: Easy to talk to, easy to talk to, kinda shy, always smiling, very smart

Likes: if she can make ppl happy

Dislikes: People with an attitude

Clothing of Choice: Long elegant dress w/ a maybe a straw hat ^^

Music: anything that sounds easygoing

Quote: “Hiiii” ^^”

Best when: Around friends

Would like to: Go to college

Guy of wanting: Must have BA

Element: Water

Name: Tristan

Nickname: Queen of Hyperness

Age: 13

Personality: Really active cracks jokes, loves top make ppl laugh, likes to mess and jump on people

Likes: Candy, DDR, activity, messin w/ ppl

Dislikes: things thall bore her (i.e. some classes, church, borin ppl), not bein able to do things that she wants

Clothing of Choice: shorts and a t-shirt

Music: anything fast, preferably techno

Quote: “Candy!!!”

Best when: Playin DDR

Would like to: Cause havoc in Japan

Guy of wanting: Has to be able to keep up with her

Element: Wind

Name: Nancy

Nickname: Bitch

Age: 17

Personality: usually angry, will snap if pissed off,

Likes: when she’s in a good mod (not often)

Dislikes: Losing, anything that’ll set her off

Clothing of Choice: Something that’s won’t easily rip in a fight

Music: if it can be fought to its good

Quote: “Yeah, I’m a bitch. I can still kick your ass.”

Best when: Able to take anger off on something

Would like to: go one day w/o getting angry

Guy of wanting:  Ha! Don’t need 1!

Element: Fire

Name: Jess

Nickname: Silent

Age: 16

Personality: Depressed, the cutter, cries a lot

Likes: To be alone to bask in her depression

Dislikes: Being bothered when she not in the mood

Clothing of Choice: something to hide herself be closed to the outside world

Music: Slow and sad, breakup of lost love songs

Quote: “I have no purpose so why am I still living?”

Best when: Is left alone to recover

Would like to: Be able to cheer up

Guy of wanting: a guy how will truly make he happy

Element: Dark

Name: Tori

Nickname: Sexy

Age: 21

Personality: flirtatious, likes gettin ppl’z attention

Likes: Getting it against the wall (lol), sake *hic*

Dislikes: Perves, when it’s too much

Clothing of Choice:  her VS bra’s and thongs

Music: Slow and can have sex to

Quote: “Ooh papi…”

Best when: Close to someone

Would like to:  Have more then sex

Guy of wanting: someone who can assist “all of her needs”

Element: Fire/Earth

:-Þ (Tori ish new so...yea lol)

Currently Reading Love Hina (Book 7) By Ken Akamatsu see related